Things Women Don't Talk About: Part 1

Note to reader: the title of the post is a means of therapy for me. I've found that unless you have sisters, a mom you can talk to about anything, or close girlfriends, women don't usually talk about all the gross details of being a woman.  Later topics to come.

FERTILITY (not infertility)

If you've ever tried to get pregnant, you'll find that you hear story after story of the Fertile Myrtles who go off the pill and are immediately blessed with pregnancy.  You talk to friend after friend who knows someone who... and they all live happily ever after with the pitter patter of little feet.

But it isn't until you find yourself taking negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test that you realize you may not be Fertile Myrtle, and modern medicine may need to play a part in your family planning.

This is where I found myself.

Back story: my husband and I got married and decided to wait one year before starting our family.  But on our one year anniversary, my husband admitted that he wasn't ready yet.  This is just fine.  I was ready the day after we said "I do," but I didn't want to move forward without my partner if he wasn't ready.  So we waited.  About four months later, we decided to "pull the goalie" as my husband so-romantically phrases it: I went off birth control.  And just as birth control had screwed up my cycle when I went ON it, it screwed me up again when I went OFF of it.  I didn't have a cycle for three months (and about 7 HPTs later)... then I started a new job... then we moved... then I admitted that I wasn't ready.  But when we moved into our new home in July 2009, we were settled and moving forward, and we decided to start trying again.

I tracked my temperature every morning and noticed zero pattern.  I watched for every sign my body might give me that I was ovulating.  Zilch.  I read about it.  I learned way more about my own reproductive system than I thought I ever wanted to know.  And as we reached the year mark of trying to get pregnant, my husband suggested I call the doctor.  I was scared.  And to be honest, it was hard for me to admit that something might be wrong with my body.  Why is my body not doing what it was made to do??

Rightfully so, my husband started to question my desire to start a family.  He didn't understand why I wouldn't call the doctor when all I had ever talked about was being a Mommy.  But honestly, that was a hard phone call to make.  Really hard.  And I put it off for days and weeks. 

Finally, it went something like this:
(nurse) "What is the purpose of the appointment?"
(me) "I, um... well... we need to... uh, I'm not... it's just that... (deep breath) we-need-to-talk-to-someone-because-we've-been-trying-for-a-year-and-we-aren't-pregnant! (PHEW!)"  There, I said it. 

No problem.  They set us up for an appointment with a nurse in the office that specializes in fertility.  Not necessarily INfertility, but fertility.  Exactly the reason I called: let's figure out why I'm not pregnant yet.  The nurse was amazing, and she made us feel like we were her only patients.  The process seemed to take forever and was very stressful as we went through it, but in actuality, it was pretty quick and painless (minus the numerous blood draws!)

July: meeting with fertility specialist
August: track my cycle, discover that I didn't ovulate. Blood draw and hormone testing confirms.  Wah wah.
September: ...No cycle. Rut roh! (Are you SURE I'm not pregnant? Yes, you didn't ovulate.) 
October: take medicine to kick-start cycle, then take second medication to make me ovulate. BINGO!
November 1st: take home pregnancy test to reveal the greatest outcome I had always hoped for: positive.

In retrospect, that seemed so fast!!  I know that not everyone has those results, but I was thrilled we had the options, the help, and that wonderful outcome.
We are pregnant and ELATED.  I was in shock, giddy, nervous and happy, anxious, scared, thrilled... and SO thankful for modern medicine.  In all actuality, we didn't have to go through months (or even years!) of testing and medication and expenses of additional methods.  Our journey was relatively short on time, but not on stress or emotion.

One of my husband's friend's wife contacted me via Facebook to ask about our infertility issues.  I hesitated writing her back (knowing her history of an ectopic pregnancy and other issues), and I wanted to make it clear that we didn't have INfertility issues, rather we went through some fertility testing.  I gave her the same timeline I outlined above... but I didn't hear from her again after that.  And I felt bad.

I recall several dinners and conversations with my girlfriends talking about what John and I were going through. One of my girlfriends pointed out that these are the stories you don't hear: people that struggle to get pregnant.  It's true!  How many times do you hear about a woman going off birth control and getting pregnant the next month?  But unless you (or someone close to you) has the opposite experience, you don't hear much about that.  I have one sister that I joke can walk past the bed and get pregnant, and my other sister went through similar testing that John and I did (actually, at the same office even, which was a blessing to me to be able to talk to her about what we were doing.)  Both sisters have multiple kiddos (4 and 2, respectively) and I love that I can learn from each of them.

Getting pregnant is not easy for everyone.  For some, yes.  And God bless them!  For others, it takes a little time, patience, maybe some medicine, and a lot of prayers!  So all wrapped up into one, I'll say it again: I thank God for modern medicine (and our precious little peanut as a result!)

The House That Built Me

Driving down the road the other day, this song came on the radio and pulled me right in.  By the end of the first chorus, I was crying.  I couldn't help but think about the house that I grew up in... the house that built me.  The corner house on South Painted Sky Street (how's that for a street name?) will always be a home to me.

When my parents moved our little family of 5 into that house in September 1982, it became our home.  I was five months old and spent almost exactly the next 20 years of my life within those walls.  With the exception of college and two years on my own, that house was my home.  I moved back in with Mom and Dad when I got engaged and planned the wedding, then moved in with my husband the day after we got married.

I cried when I pulled out of the driveway and went off to college.  I cried harder when I pulled out of the driveway to go spend my first night in my own apartment.  I cried when I pulled away to go move in with a boy--my husband.  And I cried the hardest when I pulled away for the last time because my parents had sold the house.  I came to learn later that my Mom had cried then too.  But someone else lives there now.  Someone else is making memories there now and is growing up in my room.

For most of my life, that house was HOME to me--to us!  It was where I had my first steps.  First day of school.  First school bus ride at the corner (cheesey pictures to prove it!)  First dog and cat.  First best friend.  First crush.  First bike.  First boyfriend.  First kiss.  First school dance (great pictures there, too!)  First heartache.  First car (and car accident).  First... everything.  That house holds more memories within its walls and boundaries than I can even count.  And so many of the lines from the song are true to my story and the home I grew up in.  Without a doubt, that house built me.

The House That Built Me

Miranda Lambert

I know they say you can't go home again

I just had to come back one last time

Ma'am, I know you don't know me from Adam

But these hand prints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom

Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar

And I bet you didn't know under that live oak

My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing

Out here it's like I'm someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years

From "Better Homes and Garden" magazine

Plans were drawn and concrete poured

And nail by nail and board by board

Daddy gave life to Mama's dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing

Out here it's like I'm someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me

You leave home, you move on

And you do the best you can

I got lost in this whole world

And forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing

Out here it's like I'm someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could walk around, I swear I'll leave

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me

Bathroom blunders

I ditched a work meeting last week to meet a couple of girlfriends for lunch... the guilt of missing the meeting slowly disappeared as K-Dub and S.Pray (can I call you "Spray"?) and I settled into our chairs on the patio in the sun.  K-Dub was on break from school (she teaches year-round) and Spray and I welcomed the chance to escape our desk jobs and see each other mid-day.

Naturally, the conversation landed on "bathroom" chatter.  We covered the topics of work, shopping, boys, Facebook and movies, and found ourselves discussing bathroom etiquette.  It's nice to know that some of this bothers other people and not just me.

Decision #1: When possible, always allow for the buffer.  If there are three stalls and the middle one is occupied, you really don't have a choice but to work side-by-side.  However, if one stall is occupied, and it's possible to skip one before sitting down in the next (we girls sit down, you know), then by all means: allow for the buffer.

Decision #2: It is not acceptable to sing in a public bathroom. ...This includes the work bathroom at the end of the hall Miss Whistler at my office!!!  I finally figured out who she is, and if I can find a delicate way to silence her singing, I will.  I've come to the bathroom to take care of a private matter, I do not need your soundtrack!

Strategy: If the stall you have chosen is out of TP and you notice it too late, it is acceptable to reach under and pull the paper down that is visibly hanging in the stall next to you (assuming it's vacant, of course).  I have strategically used this method more than once.  Just recently, a woman came into the stall just after my stealth steal and had to pull the tissue back to her side.  Oopsie!

Rule: ALWAYS use the tissue liner for the seat.  Just do it.

Decision #3: It's almost always cute to hear a kiddo's chatter in the public restroom.  I think my sisters have a few stories of when their munchins embarassed them in this scenario, but it is very entertaining for the audience.

Decision #4: Always, always, ALWAYS wash your hands before leaving.  This should not have to be pointed out, but I have seen/heard someone walk out more than once without stopping at the sink.  AND, some of you don't wash for long enough.  Splashing the water around in the sink does not constitute a good cleansing.  Sheesh!

Confession: sometimes I go to the bathroom at work just to get away from the ringing phones, dinging emails and nagging employees.  Sometimes I take my phone with me.  Most times I'm catching up on Facebook posts when I have my phone with me.  Sometimes I event comment... yes, all while I'm in the bathroom.  Is that uncomfortable for you?  Next time you notice me on FB during the day, will you wonder if I'm on the potty?  I might be.

P.S. K-Dub, you didn't exactly expect the first post that you were tagged in to be about the bathroom, did you?  Yeah... sorry 'bout that.  :)
 

'Know what else I can do in a Snuggie?

...apparently fall flat on my face.  No, not kidding!!

John got me a pink Snuggie for my birthday (among many other things as I celebrated by "birthday week") and I found that I really can watch TV, talk on the phone, read, work on the computer, etc. in a snuggie! 

Well yesterday, I was sitting at the kitchen table on my laptop while wearing my snuggie, and John was being especially annoying.  So in a fit of surprise to him--well, and to me--I started to say "'know what else I can do in a Snuggie...?"  And as I got up to run over and chase him, I slipped on the Snuggie (having stepped on it as I came out from behind the table), and like a cartoon character, my whole body went horizontal, and WHAM!! I hit the floor--hard. 

I layed still trying to catch my breath--and then CRIED.  It.hurt.so.bad.  My left knee and hip got the worst of the fall, though I did reach up to feel if my glasses were broken, not knowing yet if I had hit my face or not on the way down too (I didn't).  To his credit, John rushed over to me while holding back his laughter all the way.  He checked to make sure I was not broken, though my ego was severely bruised, and when I gave him the okay to do so, he laughed and laughed and laughed.  He stopped to ask me if I was laughing or crying, and when he realized I was still crying, he stifled his laughter for just a moment.

As my knight in shining armor, he peeled me up off the floor and carried me to the couch where he proceeded to bring me an ice pack for my bruised and battered body.  I felt like I had been in a car wreck!  My whole body is stiff and sore.  Nothing that a half hour of HGTV wouldn't help, though.  I told him that I wished I could have seen his face when it happened, but I just went down too fast!  ...Pretty sure I heard John laughing as he walked out of the room.

Now I'm very careful about walking and wearing the Snuggie (it's long and I'm short, and this is problematic).  Lesson learned: butt-kicking is not possible in a Snuggie, at least not successful chasing and butt-kicking, that is.

Second lesson: it is never okay for pets to wear Snuggies, or any other clothing for that matter.

Blackhawk... the REAL story

Although my dear memory-impaired sister attempted to recount that fateful night at the Rose seven years ago, she missed the mark just a bit. And yes, Angie, your side of the story WAS read with rolling eyes (not once, not twice...) and also much laughter--you comedian, you.


But now, let's sit back and prepare for the truthful side of the story of the night Blackhawk came to the Grizzly Rose in Denver in March 2003.

It was three weeks before my 21st birthday, so I reluctently donned the huge blue X's on my hands to show that I could not be served alcohol. (No worries, Angie blinked enough of it for all of us by the end of the night--oh sorry, we'll get to that.) We got to the Rose in time for the opening band and worked our way forward as people moved around or left for the bar. In doing so, we found our place next to two couples who had obviously started drinking long before we got there. As we giggled and danced to the music, Amy, meeger as she is, turned to me and said sweetly, "She's pushing me" (speaking of the drunkard to her right who attempted to save the spot of her bar-bound boyfriend in a standing room only section of the club.) Without hesitation I replied to Amy, "push her back!" A few moments later, Amy turned again, "She's pushing me!" Me: "So push her back!" When it happened again, I switched places with Amy knowing that Shovey McPusherson wasn't going to let up and Amy wasn't going to do any more than report Shovey's inconsiderate actions to us.


With my hip popped in place and my knee locked, Shovey pushed again. Only THIS time the recipient of her rude nudging hadn't budged. She noticed. I passively said, "excuse me." ...which only made her push again--harder. I again spoke up, "excuse me!" She whipped around with an elbow nearly in my face and balked that I would not move when she tried to move me! Just then, her boyfriend came back with drinks in hand for her (just what we all needed), and after he passed them off, he joined in the bullying. I turned to him (much taller than myself) after he pulled my hair. I repeat, he pulled my hair. While I addressed him with a look of horror, he dumbly spoke, "wasn't me!" Oh, uh huh, sure. Time out--where are my sisters during all of this? Amy is still swaying to the music with her curls matching her rhythm and her hands folded nicely in front of her. Angie? Well she's trying to talk sense into an otherwise senseless drunkard who wants us to move away.


I defended myself to the tall boyfriend about whether or not I should even be there (as he referenced the X's on my hands) as he argued that they had gotten there hours before we showed up and that we pushed our way to the front. Whatever, that's how it works at the Rose, and any other place I've been to with general admission standing room only. As I turned back around to the confrontation taking place behind me between Drunky and Angie, I heard Angie's infinite wisdom: (brace yourselves, it is NOT what she claimed in her post to have said...) "I think you've had too much to drink." Whelp! That did it! Drunky must have agreed, because both drinks in hand were promptly thrown in Angie's face. In my mind, I saw myself diving in slow motion "No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o" to save her face and eyes from the burning liquor, but it all happened so quickly! And yes, Angie's reaction was priceless: a shrill "AAAH!!!" as she threw her hands to her eyes and whisked the concoction from her contacts. I sprung into action to grab the bouncer--two of them actually--for some assistance in crowd control.


The first bouncer promptly took Angie away to the bathroom to clean her eyes, hair, and spotted shirt. And yes, she does admit to acting blind as she felt and patted her way to the bathroom. Some sympathy points won, I'm sure. While she was gone, a group of onlookers on the other side of us jumped in at our rescue to the fact that we were bullied and did nothing wrong. The second bouncer then watched Amy and I like a hawk while the drunk couple was fended off by their friends. While we waited for Angie to return, it was I that caught the pick from the band. I felt bad for her alcoholic bath (not guilty! SHE pointed out the blood-alcohol level of her attacker!!) so I graciously gave her the pick upon her return. At that point, the bouncer moved the three of us to the VIP section where we stood closer to the stage and band and right next to the DJs of the local country radio station.


From our viewpoint (and this is the point in the story that differs from Angie's... I can only imagine that the alcohol had somehow seeped in and altered her memory) we could see the entire crowd, including the drunk attacker. Amy offered, "I wonder if she can see us," to which I spouted, "I hope she can see us!!" And Angie reasoned, "I don't think she needs to see us, just watch the rest of the concert." Thank you, Oh Peacekeeper, can you even see through the red drink and stickiness of your eyelashes?? Haha!


We stayed around for a little bit after the concert and danced a few line dances. Then, on the way home, Angie proudly donned her prized (and gifted) pick on her forehead, stuck there compliments of a mixed drink by way of a confrontational drunkard. What a prize!



Let's review the "facts":
1. Abby elbowed her and aggressively --FALSE

2. I (Angie) stepped between Abby and drunk girl and nobly said, "Alright, everyone just calm down..." --FALSE. The fateful words were: "I believe you've had too much to drink" [insert throwing of alcohol HERE]
3. The most dramatic move in the history of Olson girls Girls' Nights --TRUE. And yes, request a reinactment next time you see Angie... or Amy... or me.

4. I (Angie) may have claimed to be blind at that point. --TRUE.

5. From VIP, Abby waved and gloated about our new and awesome position --FALSE (wave)

5b. Amy shied away and pretended it wasn't happening. --STILL TRUE

5c. I (Angie) played peacemaker and tried to downplay the place of privilege we now held. --TRUE. However, had Angie not been there, the drinks would not have been thrown and it would have been an otherwise boring and uneventful night.

6. I (Angie) caught a guitar pick. Yes, (she) did. --FALSE (ABBY did and graciously GAVE the pick Angie.) Drunk girl did not. --TRUE




And yes, last Friday night Blackhawk was back at the Grizzly Rose... while the three of us behaved ourselves, there was a fight that broke out right NEXT to us. They seriously outdid us though: there was hair pulling, punches thrown, cursing, etc. All we had were a couple of saucy drinks thrown in Angie's face! Even still, I guess it's not a good enough story without Angie's embellishments. ;) Good thing I'm here to speak the truth.


And, we had way more fun this time around:

She's playing along with the band, if you can't tell (she's on keyboard):


Silly girls!! Were they laughing at Angie's performance? At the really old guitar player who always looks confused? Or at the guys around us that reminded us of people we knew? Hey! ...Is that Jack???

AMY caught the pick this time, it was all her. First we gave a guy next to us a guilt trip for ripping the first one out of her hand, but she got her own after that. Way to go, Ame!

That's right, he's posing for me... jealous?

Thanks Blackhawk! We'll see you next time you're in Denver... maybe next time let US wear the Blackhawk shirts though. We know who you are...

Thailand or bust

Well, we made it safely to Chiang Mai, Thailand this morning. Our plane landed a little early, right at 7:30am (Monday). Our adventure started much, MUCH earlier though...

Our plane took off from Denver at 6:00am. This meant that my parents came to pick us up at 4:00am. When we were still packing for our trip at 2:30am, we knew we weren't going to sleep. In fact, I took a "power nap" for 25 minutes when John got in the shower, and it did more harm than good. Even our pets were fighting sleep and just wished that we would turn off the lights and go to bed. As I laid down for my nap at 2:30am, my kitty curled up next to me and even let me pull the blanket over him--that's a first. So I showered, packed the rest and my parents came right on time. Oy.

We made it to DIA in time to check our bag, grab McDonald's for breakfast and get to our gate. 2.5 hours to Chicago, no problem. For those of you playing along at home, YES, we went East just to turn around and go really far West. We had a couple of hours in the Chicago airport, which was just enough time to call the family, grab a Starbucks, and prepare ourselves for the long flight coming up. The plane was HUGE (thank goodness!) a 747 that would carry us over seas. I've never flown on a plane this big, and with all the traveling that John has done, he hadn't either. I promised my mom a call from the plane, and I told her that the first thing I saw when I stepped on board was a staircase--to the upper deck. She felt better about the flight, and honestly I did too.

13 hours ended up being just over 12, but still didn't go by as fast as we would have hoped. Oh. my. gosh. My back was wrecked (not great to begin with), my legs ached (yes, I got up to stretch and walk around,) and I used the bathroom twice (I don't use airplane toilets.) Ugh. We were fed twice, pumped with drinks, and slept oh-so-umcomfortably. The cool thing was that since we were headed to Tokyo, Japan first, all announcements were made in English and then Japanese. Neat! Oh, and we got an "apology card" from United because the movie wouldn't start. Yep, 12+ hours of looking at the map on big and little screens all over the plane. Whoopee. On one of my walks to stretch my legs, I saw that Business Class was watching The Office--no fair!! John and I started a movie on his laptop, but I had just taken an Advil PM, and the battery ran out just after I did anyway. (We finished it later, stay tuned).

A little over an hour in the Tokyo airport allowed us to use the bathroom, rearrange our carry-on bags and get back on the same plane, same seats. While I was sitting in the terminal though, a voice came up behind me and said, "Hey stranger!" I quickly thought to myself: I'm pretty sure I don't know anyone in Tokyo, who could this be?! But I turned around and was pleasantly surprised to see a mutual friend making the same trip, however she wisely went Denver to California. They were on the same plane to Bangkok, so that was cool, and we got to chat for a bit.

Get comfy kids, we've got another 7 hours to go before we hit Thailand, and then it still isn't over! After 12+ hours, I thought 7 would be a breeze--HA! I tossed and turned more than I ever have. It drives John crazy that I can't sit in the same position for more than five minutes, I wonder how it was sitting in the tiny seat next to me! I was so tired though, I actually fell asleep before we even took off and woke up somewhere over South Japan. Hmm...

We had six hours to kill in the Bangkok airport and walked around for a while at first. It was tiring, but felt good to get the blood flowing in our legs. We couldn't find a comfy spot to sit or lay down as I had hoped, but we cuddled up in a couple chairs and finished the movie we started when we left the States. It was cute (Couples Retreat) and gave me an opening to give John his Valentine's Day gift. We missed V-Day all together, but I still carried his present all the way here. :) Do I love him or what!? (Yes, yes I do.)

The transfer terminal opened at 5:00am this morning, so we stood in line to get the first stamps on our passports!! VERY EXCITING!!! We took a few cheesy pictures in the airport (to be posted on FB sometime soon,) and waited to board the plane for our last leg. There were several Buddhist monks that came and sat around us, and I quickly read up in one of our travel books (thank you A&G!) about them. They are quite intimidating, actually! Two of the monks sat across the aisle from us, and another was behind us. When the food cart came around, they received special trays. It was very interesting. The rest of us got an egg and chicken sandwich--not bad! The "dessert" that accompanied the food was actually very bad though. No thank you.

The flight was only an hour and got us into Chiang Mai right on time. We followed the signs (all have been in either Japanese/Thai AND English) and got to baggage claim and customs. By the grace of God, the one bag we checked made it to Chiang Mai with us. And then I turned around to see my friend waiting for us outside and I was one HAPPY GIRL!!! They waved us through customs (seriously) and we were on our way.

I have a cute cheesy picture of Becky driving us to the hotel. When you see it, you'll notice that she's on the other side of the car, and we're driving on the left side of the road. Call me ignorant, but I wasn't prepared for that. I kept wanting to correct her and get her on the right side of the street (like I sometimes have to do with John--kidding? no...) but she's very comfortable driving here. I asked her why there were even lines drawn on the road because the cars and motor bikes just meander all over. She delivered us safely at our hotel, and John promptly went to sleep. I called home and talked to Dad, then showered and am now blogging. I think that if I sleep now, I won't later, and I don't want to be on the wrong clock the whole time we're here.

So, that's where we are now. Long post? Yes. Long trip? YES. Oy...! Maybe I should just rest my eyesasdfajs;dkjfa;lskj.... whoops.

Trying something new...

For the past year, I have updated my Google Talk (IM) with "useless facts" (and pictures) from my daily desk calendar. I received the calendar at my previous company's "holiday" party last year (2008, rather). Previous and current co-workers have told me that they sign in daily to get the fact and learn. On days that I would be out of the office or forget to update it, I'd hear from them! How dare I deny them their useless knowledge!?

Such fun facts included: If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will alternately keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
Picture to accompany the fact:


This year, I didn't buy or receive a daily desk calendar of useless facts. What will they do!?! REVOLT!! Don't worry, I'm still going to update my Google Talk, and we'll see how it goes over... I'll be entering the Daily Verse I get from K-LOVE everyday, and filling their minds not with useless knowledge, but with fruitful knowledge!

Today's verse: Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance Proverbs 1:5 NLT

I can only hope they'll hang on this as they all did the facts and humor, but we'll see. Lately I have been feeling the holy spirit call me to be a light to my co-workers and workplace. I have been convicted in my thoughts, actions and words, and feel that I need to spread God's love and be more of an example than a hypocrite. One of my favorite quotes is from DC Talk, "The great single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him with their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelieveable." I don't want to live that quote!

This is a challenge and scary thing to tackle at work. I could use prayer for this daily, for the truth to shine in my heart and in my deeds.